Being the "bird" damn it!

Before my years at the college for my BS degree was over, I had pretty much compiled the whole series of Loreena McKennitt albums on the market. I dont know in which album this song was. So many years passed since I last listened to one of those casettes.

I didnt understand most of the lyrics of this song. I never inquired or read the name. There were two lines that pierced my heart "maybe i can find a place i can call my home, maybe i can find a home i can call my own."

Through the weary bus rides from Denizli to Ankara, or Ankara to Denizli, trying to put a little sleep on my eyes, my walkman would play Loreena's songs time after time... No hope, I never enjoyed sleeping at sitting posture.

Anyways, I remember, few tears came down my eyes anytime i listened to this song... Then it was only 6 years since I left my home. Now it is past 14. I left home on a september day, like today... I guess it was september 17th, 1994. I must have been 15 then... Now I am almost 30. Math says me that I spent half of my life away from home. My greedy rationing says me that I need to spend at least 5 more...

I remember the times I left Denizli. I hated that place like I hated the hell, I despised the people... I would and did swear I would never return back for any reason. Still Denizli is not the place i want to be. But my family... How much money can bring back the days we used to spend together at Marmaris? The smell of the rare chocolate cream in the mornings? The flowers of all colors? The humming voice of the tractor engines pulling carts converted for public transport? I loved them... I loved waking up to mornings with the soothing voice of little fishing boats running on two stroke diesels.

I want to see the bright sunshine through olive leaves. I want to chew fresh grape leaves... I want to breath the toxicating smell of the olive bazaar that used to be open right in front of my great grandma's house... I want to go to an open air cinema, which are totally extinct now... I want to drink Zafer soda.

I want to return back home... I hate to be the "bird," who can fly to anywhere but home, no more!!!!!!!!